I don’t know why I haven’t sat down to write a long stream of consciousness in so long as I used to do back in the day. I think I’ve let everything I’ve been experiencing compile into my brain and just soak and marinate, it’s been manifesting out in interesting ways. I’ve been living in India for the past two months, and I was in Italy for a month before that, I’m going to Spain, and then Portugal after India. I guess why I mention this is because I haven’t been “home” in a while. Funny enough, I left my home because I felt like I didn’t belong there either. Truthfully, I don’t know where I belong, or if I belong anywhere at all, maybe I belong everywhere. I know that I’m not meant to be confined to one place, or one way of life. I’m too fluid and too open to label or restrict myself with “types” and 9-5 routines. I don’t want to fit into any box or stereotype, and the way I do that is by doing everything. It’s by creating a life for myself that I actually want to live. It’s by diving into deep and uncharted territories because I know I’ll learn to swim through it. Ironic because I don’t actually know how to swim at all, lol. I’ll learn when the time comes. I want to connect with people and learn about them through their thoughts, opinions, upbringing, culture, and hear all of their stories. We are more alike than we are different, is a recurring thought and realization I have again and again with the more I travel, the more people I meet, and the more experiences I have. Regardless of our cultural/socioeconomic backgrounds, I think we all want the same things; we want to feel safe, secure, understood, and comfortable, we want selfless love and reliable trust, we want spontaneous adventures and unforgettable experiences, we want meaningful conversations and light-hearted witty banter. We want to connect with people that can give us that, and that we, too, can return. It’s all quite so simple when we lay it out like that, isn’t it? Where does it get complicated? Where do our intentions get misconstrued? Why do we overthink things that we already know the answer to?
Living away from home, away from my personal comfort zone has taught me to be simple, adaptable, patient, direct, and kind. Not saying I wasn’t those things before, but definitely much more so now, and much more aware of it now. Being surrounded by such diverse walks of life, personalities, and environments, I learn and realize, it’s not at all about me. I’m simply an observer, I’m there to witness once in a lifetime moments from another person’s life if they’re so gracious to share them with me. And if they ask about me, I’ll tell them, openly and honestly of course. But, I’ve learned to listen and observe more, and talk less. To be someone for someone else. I want you to know that the feeling of being heard and understood truly exists, and you are never alone, even if we never meet again, our souls are connected. Giving people my time and undivided attention to share these moments with them is one of my life missions because, in all of my moments of sadness, loneliness, self-doubt, and even happiness, all I want is for someone to hear me out and to truly see me for me.
I always loved the idea of being truly present in each moment, and I thought I practiced it, but now I know for certain that I actually do. I find myself so lost in the moment, unbothered by the past or future, and fully engrossed in what is right before me. I’ve learned to listen to my intuition and to focus on my breathing; to take as many deep and full breaths as I can, breathing in the earth, the ocean, the trees, the stars. To feeling the sand and the dirt on my feet, the raindrops in my hair, the sunlight on my face, the flower petals between my fingertips. Nothing is mine forever, but in these moments, I am defined forever.
I’ve been subconsciously creating and giving myself the life I want to share with people in hopes that my people are out there also doing the same thing and someday we’ll meet and connect. I love companionships, I believe different people serve different purposes in our lives. I don’t want one person for everything, I want the love, hearts, souls, and connections of many that are on the same wavelength and vibrations as me. Peace and love will get us so much further in the world than hate ever will. If I could leave you with one last thought, for now, it would be to be kind to the people you know as well as the people you don’t know and be genuine in all of your relationships and interactions. I love you and I see you, whoever you are. ✿