Internal Thoughts

Emerald green velvet dreams

Pressure is building

I’m suffocating

My physical being feels nothing

My mental state is imploding

What’s real anyway?

Two more flights of stairs

Rusty red brick walls accented with gold as my hand glides further up the glossy black banister

Almost there

What do I even want? What fulfills my soul…

I’ve arrived at the front door

It’s a sliver of the way open and the light peaks through

Do I walk in…or do I knock…

Music blaring from inside

I take a step back and, I gather my thoughts

Just then, S comes through the door

Packet of cigarettes in one hand and a drink in the other

S greets me with warm smiles and a big hug

I feel at ease, kinda

I try to speak, but my voice holds no substance

S takes my hand and walks me inside, I follow like a loyal dog

As I walk through the big wooden hand-crafted front door, I look around and my eyes grow big, inspiration on my mind

Amber aura, glowy antique light fixtures, leather couches, and a grand piano centerfold

S hands me a glass of cognac and a tiny paper of California Sunshine

I watch as S doses up

I follow suit…

Do you ever wonder if…forgive me I’ve forgotten my own train of thought

The needle scrapes against the record and suddenly it kicks in

I look down at my hands and observe them with a new perspective, all around me too, I’m amazed. By the textures, the colors, the feelings, my thoughts.

My numbness is gone, my mental block evaporates

Panoramic windows

I see the city below me. I feel the history, the energies of everyone in this room and anyone that came before me.

Panning my gaze around and admiring my surroundings, something catches my eye. I walk closer to the record player

I feel the bass

My body begins to involuntarily embody the beat

My head sways from side to side, my shoulders and hips follow too

The beat moves within me

I’m in my zone

I look directly up at the chandelier above me

Each crystal is so decadently placed

S comes up behind me and the warmth of our bodies ease me completely

We get lost in the moment and dance four or five songs away

Perhaps it’s time that I went for a walk

I sneak out to the fire escape and have a smoke as I people watch

It’s summertime in New York City

The night is young and my mind is open.

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