new beginnings

I’m not gonna lie, the start of something new can be a little scary and intimidating. You don’t know what to expect, but you have faith in yourself-well because you have to or no one else will-but also because you’ve spent time building something so amazing in your mind that you know now it’s time to bring it into existence to the physical realm. We go through minor transitions periodically, but starting a clean slated new chapter in your life is not as often. On average we probably enter a new period of our lives every couple of years. I think the biggest part of starting fresh involves clearing your conscience of whatever you have from the past. Anything you’re still holding onto, big or small, find a way to make peace with it. For me, there used to be a group of people I was friends with a couple years ago, shady shit happened on all of our parts and we were never really given a chance to reconcile after the blow up, or get to the bottom of what actually happened. Feelings were high, there were too many people getting involved for something that really only involved me and one other person, someone I honestly considered a friend. When you’re friends with a group of people, and not all those people genuinely like each other for whatever reason, shit gets messy, people like to start drama, and not own up to the shit they say/start. I detached myself completely from all of them. I’d made myself clear in the past saying “if someone fucks me over, I’m done with them” but truthfully I’m much more forgiving than that. I always have been, usually I just need space and time. Things might not go back to the way they used to be, maybe they get better and maybe they don’t-but that’s life. Admittedly, I was young and not as mature as I obviously am now heh heh so I didn’t handle it in the best way either, but hey-it’s okay, everything happens the way it’s supposed to so I/you/we all can learn from it and have the chance to be better if we are willing to reflect. Part of moving on, is reflection of your current self and past self. We have to reflect upon ourselves, our thoughts, words, actions, reactions, in order to further evolve. Occasionally the things we experience are so complex, it can take time to really understand something that happened a while ago and to be able to make sense of it. So I made sense of this situation just a while back, and I feel myself on the verge of this new chapter that I don’t want to go into with any sort of angst or negativity. I’d let go of this situation a long time ago, it’s not something I actively am thinking about. Like I’ve said in many posts before I don’t hold grudges, I just don’t. That shit just occupies unnecessary space in your mind. But lately, I started thinking about this situation (I keep saying situation lol) and I realized how differently I would’ve handled it knowing what I know now about life and myself. So after years of not speaking, I decided to reach out-not really for her, but more for me, I said my piece and wished her well. I didn’t expect a response honestly, because like I said, it was for me not so much her. I mean I really do wish her well and I hope she lives the best possible life she can, she has a good heart and I’m grateful to have known her. But, I had to make my peace with it all. I unlocked that door and if she one day chooses to open it, I would be okay with that. She didn’t respond btw, she read it. And that is perfectly fine with me. It felt so freeing to reach out regardless. I did the right thing for myself, because life is short, grudges are stupid, and people change if they are intelligent enough to learn from their experiences. If they’re not, you don’t need them around. 🙂
I hope you learn to forgive people not necessarily for them, but for yourself, for new beginnings. Moving on is such a great feeling. Aspire to fill your life with lots of love.
-Addi xo