drunk thoughts

I wrote this last night, posting now xo
Okay, I’m pretty fucking drunk right now, and this will either add to the following text and make it super awesome and full of depth or do the polar opposite and make it stupid and meaningless…lets hope for the former. I haven’t written in a long while, simply because, I haven’t been inspired in the ways I usually am. I feel like I’m going through a major life change and right now I’m in that limbo phase where I’m doing all the things I believe to be right for me, and now it’s just a matter of time playing its course for results to be seen. Life is full of different phases; and the transition of one phase leading to the next stage of change and development.
Let me start off light by telling you about the highlight of my day. I had three auditions this morning and I nailed all three of them 🙂 #score this only affirms everything I already know about myself. Sorry not sorry to sound like a cocky fuck but I know what I’m capable of. All the things I work so hard for, I know that I will achieve and it’s about damn time it’s catching up to me.
How amazing is it to watch people in their element doing what they do best, it is my absolute favorite thing. I wish everyone could find the strength to pursue their most thought about desires.
Tinder meet ups can be so awkward or so cool. I remember the very first tinder “date” I had, the dude kissed me in the middle of my sentence (ya I like spontaneity but…there is such a thing as social cues bro) and not just a peck but full on tongue in my mouth. I was mid sentence talking about my dogs (what else lol) and he thought that was the perfect time to just lay a fat sloppy saliva induced one on me. The problem is not him kissing me mid sentence, it could’ve been cute, maybe it was his attempt at trying to get me to shut up and make out, but it’s just the nature of the kiss and how awkwardly gross it was. It didn’t get any better by the way, the process seemed to escalate from tongue in my mouth to tongue all over my fucking face-and I didn’t shove him off and scold him for his action (which in hindsight maybe I should have), but I kinda just sat there and wondered what the fuck I got myself into lmao. I could have taken one for the team and hooked him up with some kissing 101, because no one should have to kiss a sloppy kisser. He just needed some-scratch that, he needed major guiding. He was hot but boring so I didn’t care much to be that guide. I deleted tinder after that. But of course over the course of time I gave tinder another couple of chances, because I sometimes get bored and wonder…what kind of people are out there. So ya, I download tinder just to see if some interesting souls will peak my interest then I delete it. And download it again after some time if I get bored enough. There should be a tinder type app for just meeting new friends and dope people.
Ariana Grande’s new song Dangerous Woman makes me wanna do things that I shouldn’t. It’s 1:14am, I just got home, and I’m sitting on my throne aka the toilet typing away. I’ve finished peeing many minutes ago. But one, I’m too drunk/comfortable to get up just yet, and two, I’m in the writing zone. So this is where I shall remain until I am done with this post.
Confidence, charisma, how you carry yourself is everything. Your physicality is something, ya, like obvi take care of yourself physically. Take a shower, go for a hike, eat a fruit, whatever boo–but more so work on who you are as a person first. How you carry yourself, how you react in situations where you are in control and, in contrast, when things are completely out of your control. Become a well rounded person who can handle any given situation and any given personality. Be adaptable. Test your limits. Take control of you, keep your mind open, stay focused on your bigger picture. Think about the kind of person you want to be (hint: be the kind of person you would want to be around). Work on your mental hygiene. Find some clarity. I’ll talk more in depth about this in another post.
“I’m tired of thinking about someone who isn’t thinking of me.”
If someone doesn’t want to be a part of your life, their loss, not yours. I know it’s probably hard to see it as their loss and not yours, but I promise you the people that are right and meant for you will make their presence consistently known. Also maybe try to not play victim in a situation like this, because, it in fact might not be their loss either–not everyone in the world is meant to mesh and be in each other’s lives. Mostly because we are all SO DIFFERENT and in differing phases of our lives. What you need now, may not be what you need in a few years, months, days, or even hours. You don’t need anyone that doesn’t need you though, and sometimes the people who need you can be toxic. So it can be tricky navigating through the solid and feeble people you encounter, but cultivate the relationships in your life further only if they also benefit you. You gotta be a little selfish, man. There’s no room in your life for shitty one sided relationships.
‘Tis all for now, thx for reading, I adore you. xx